welcome back!

Man, what an eventful summer it has been. For anyone who knows me, you know that I’ve been living/working in Bloomington/Normal, Illinois for the summer as an ASM/Stage Manager at a Shakespeare Festival. I can’t even begin to tell you how crazy the last three months have been. I’ve learned so much about myself, on both a professional and personal level. I’ve grown exponentially as a stage manager, and I’ve become a much more independent person. Moving out of my parents’ house in the next few weeks is a good thing.

Aside from becoming a better stage manager and becoming much more confident as a professional, the most significant part of this summer, I’d have to say, has been the personal life side. I feel the need to write out everything that has happened in the last (whirlwind) month so that I can both process it and remember it. Bear with me, it could be long winded, melodramatic, or who knows what.

Also, I’ll start typing tomorrow since I’m getting ready to jump in the shower so I can go to a baseball game with my dad and my aunt.

strangeness

It's been an interesting day for me.

Starting with last night, here's the interesting:

-My neighbor, who is 18 years old (5 years younger than me), and has always been my like my little brother said something that really bugged me last night. Growing up, he ADORED me, and I loved having him as a tag along. He's selling cookie dough for his track team and came over so I could order some. He stopped to look at the pictures on my parents' fridge. There are a handful of some of my more flattering high school pictures up there. As he's leaving my house, he says "you used to be so good looking, but you've started to let yourself go a little."

Now I know he was just messing with me and joking with me, but at the same time, why would you say something like that if it weren't partially true. Ya know?
Yeah, I was in my work clothes after closing a show last night and doing strike after.
Yeah, we had to scrub out the backstage kitchen and fridge during strike, so I was extra grimy.
Yeah, I rolled out of bed yesterday and went straight to work without showering, so my hair wasn't in peak-condition.
And yeah, I've gained weight since high school.
And yes, I don't usually get down on myself, but this really bugged me for some reason. Boo.

-I had a follow up appointment with my new doctor from the asthma test I had last week. I miss my old family doctor. This woman actually got shitty with me when I didn't perfectly follow her instructions before my test because hers were unclear to begin with and were different from the instructions the hospital gave me when they called to talk to me about my appointment. I'm the first one to admit when I've messed up, but that wasn't my fault.

This is the same doctor whose office sent me to get 2 tests done and didn't send me with the appropriate paperwork, so I had to jump through tons of bureaucratic hoops in order to get them done properly.

Also, my old doctor, no matter what the illness or issue was, was absolutely so kind and helpful. He never ONCE made me feel judged or like a terrible person. Not when we talked about my weight and diet, not when we talked about my sex life, not when we talked about my mental stability. Today? This woman? Made me feel judged. That's not ok, or fun.

-I did my taxes 'on my own' for the first time today. My parents have always just done them for me in the past because I was up at school, and all of my paperwork/forms came to the house. Plus the both file taxes for a living, so no big deal for them to do my measly taxes. But I say 'on my own' rather than on my own because every 5 minutes I was calling out a question. After a while, because it was funny, I started asking them retarded questions like: Did I inherit a farm in 2008? Do I earn any income from a farm (or a farm in a foreign country) in 2008? Did I earn any income from a retirement fund in 2008? Am I blind or a senior citizen?

That last part was fun. The rest of it...not so much. Although I should be getting like $500 back! That is DEFINITELY fun.

general bookitude

I just finished watching The Jane Austen Book Club, and I loved it. Say what you will if you think it's sappy or hokey, but I thought it was great. Of course, I'm sure no credit at all goes to the fact that I've been a reading nut lately (don't believe me? check out my progress!) and just finished two of the best books I've ever read. Anyways, the fact that these women identified so strongly with the characters and stories in Austen's books, as well as the fact that they were so invested in the stories, is something that hit home with me. That's one of the reasons I love to read. Identifying with and living vicariously through and wishing you were a part of it all. Hits the head of my nail dead on.

Not to mention the way they did their end credits was great. It sorta looked like a really finessed Power Point (in a good way, I mean), and was broken down by category (cast, electrics, sound, editing, direction, production, scenic, etc) and then had photos on each corresponding "slide". And the coolest part about these "slides" (if you will) was that they were all behind the scenes kind of photos...like you could see the crew and the rigging for lights and all that jazz. IMHO, that's way better than screen shots and stills.

you want how many bedrooms??

So jump on the good news train with me. I've been talking with the other first year PA at The Theatre over the last few weeks about rooming for next year. She brought the idea of us being roommates for next season up back in January because she didn't think her current roommate would be coming back to The Theatre next year.

Well, her current roommate is planning on coming back, BUT they want me as an additional roommate.

I had been mentally debating about whether or not I should stay with my parents again for next season, and I eventually came to the conclusion that if a situation presented itself, then that would be the sign that I should move out. Hello Situation!

So we went driving around today looking for For Rent signs outside houses and stuff downtown. The intrawebz have not been very helpful thus far. Anyways, the fact that we went looking together pretty much means I'll be living with them next year. SWEET! If anyone knows of any 3 bedroom, preferable 2 bath apartments, townhouses, or houses close to downtown Indy, let me know!!

Also, my parents and I just ordered so much pizza for dinner, that the place we ordered from has to shut down business from other customers for the night. :)

Turning 23 on the 23rd!

All in all, it was a pretty good Golden Birthday today.

Unfortunately we had to postpone the big Birthday Taco Celebration with my Aunt, Cousin+Wife and 2 little boys because my mom got sick and had a fever. I had been planning and looking forward to this for over a week. Boo. Mom and I spent a large chunk of yesterday grocery shopping and preparing. But we didn't want my cousin's sons to get sick. Fortunately we were still able to have tacos tonight, just with much less celebrating.

Yesterday I also had 2 friends from work over and we ate home made guacamole. And I made a diet coke cake with strawberries and coolwhip icing. And we watched the Oscars. Pretty fun.

Today I was able to sleep in, and then had to go into work to guard the sign in table for the Equity Principle Auditions for The Theatre. It wasn't so bad, although it kinda blew since I was supposed to get 2 days off. Oh well, that's life. I mostly just sat there and read/did crosswords while sending people in the room.

Like I said, my dad DID make the tacos. And they were AMAZING. Plus he went to Chipotle and got some guacamole for me :). I have the best dad ever. He also got me a Garmin GPS system ("This was all my idea. I got this specially because you got the job in Illinois this summer, and I want you to be able to get around.") and an up-convert to hi-def DVD player. Of course, when asked what I wanted for my birthday, all I asked for was The Office DVD Board Game and the DVD of Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist (which my parents also got me). Call me materialistic, but a girl is allowed to get a LITTLE excited about (big!) surprise birthday presents, right?

After tacos and awesome gifts some of my "not real" friends came over to watch a movie (The Wackness, which was pretty good) and eat cake. OMG was it the best cake ever. Mom and I got it from Fresh Market yesterday. Chocolate Chambord Cake. Holy Crap.

So we have to postpone the family time, which is a major bummer. But really? I can't complain. It was a pretty stellar birthday.

working on it

Yes...still feeling like shit. Had to bail on a good friend's much anticipated performance at a comedy club last night, and I still feel terribly about it. Whatever, I know he was amazing hilarious without the "pity laughs".

Maybe tomorrow I will feel better??

I just wanted to let anyone who was interested know that I've started that list of books I've read so far this year. A good friend of mine showed me his, and I thought it was pretty cool, so I started one. Check out the list of books I've read so far this year!

bodily failure

Dear Body,

Please stop hating me and battling against yourself. I am not very pleased that a day and a half after we found out you had a temporary asthma like problem as well as an inflamed chest joint, as well as prescribed remedies for both, you also began to exhibit the worst head and chest cold symptoms ever. I would really appreciate it if you would get over yourself and help me out here.

Signed,
Me

PS. Thank you for at least sabotaging me now instead of waiting until my Birthday on Monday or tech at the end of next week.

-----------------------

One of the websites I read daily, had this as their quote of the day yesterday. I find it quite appropriate for me.

"If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door." Paul Beatty

breath-rite

For the past week, I've been having this really bothersome (and annoying) sensation where my lungs feel like they aren't filling up. Every 4th or so breath, I have to take a really, super deep breath in order to fill my lungs, and even then I still barely feel like I'm getting enough oxygen.

On top of that, my chest right at my sternum has been really sore, especially when taking those deep breaths. Kind of like I've been punched in the chest or the way your chest/lungs are sore after you've been coughing for weeks on end. But I haven't been coughing.

On top of that on top of THAT, I've been feeling a really strong heart beat or two in that same sternum area like 10 times a day. That's what has freaked me out the most.

Last night it peaked and I had a hard time breathing while I was trying to fall asleep, and I freaked out.

So I finally went to MedCheck this morning. Apparently I (finally) had good timing there, because there were only 2 people ahead of me. By the time I left, they were telling people that there were 8-10 people ahead of them, plus there were people in the waiting room waiting for rooms.

They listened to my lungs and did all of the usual stuff. The doctor didn't hear anything in my lungs, so it wasn't pneumonia or bronchitis (thankfully). They took my blood oxygen levels and then did a breathing machine treatment on me that should have de-constricted my airways, but the post treatment numbers weren't really better.

Finally the doctor explained that there is something causing my airways to close, very similar to people who have asthma. He prescribed me an inhaler for that.

He explained that the pain in my chest was from inflammation of the joint where my ribs come together at my sternum. Apparently, a lot of women get this and mistake it for heart attacks or something. And this inflammation explains the heart beats I kept feeling. So he prescribed me a prescription-strength anti-inflammatory for that.

So I don't feel better yet...but I should in the next couple of days. I'm SO glad that it's not an actual illness of some sort that would really knock me out and make working really difficult.

Man, what a fun way to spend my day off. Actually, it wasn't so bad, because my mom and I went shopping for some clothes (with this summer's work in mind) as a Valentine's present for me. That was pretty fun.

wait for it--the hodgepodge edition

I've learned a lot about myself in the last week or so. Equal parts of the responsibility for this go to 1) the book I just finished (Eat, Pray, Love) and 2) the Summer Job Hunt.

One of the things I learned? Stepping back and letting things soak in is NOT a skill set that I in any way possess. Be the things good or bad, I tend to react with a sense of immediacy, no matter how unnecessary.

Something else I've learned? I will never, EVER be able to figure out why certain nine year old girls are so obscenely rude and hateful. Never. I have to accept this fact and continue working to make the impact of said rude/hatefulness on others as small as possible.

I watched Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist today after work. LOVED IT. Go and watch it.

In other news, did I mention I joined Twitter? Yes, I did. But I need to reiterate that I LOVE it.

Also, I think I'm going to keep a running log of the books I read. For some reason, this seems like a fun idea.

Add To The List Of Things I...

LOVE:

-Chuck. What? A NEW tv show for me to DVR and watch obsessively? Fine by me. At least it's not on Thursday nights.
-Did I mention that that phase I go through every few months where I'm a book-a-holic came back in May and is STICKING this time?
-Mom coming home from vacation in Florida and bringing me stuff. Especially the new makeup that I desperately needed but didn't have the money for.
-Getting a haircut on Thursday.
-Secret Santa.
-Crossword Puzzles.
-Finding my missing DVD of Elf that I've been dying to watch since Thanksgiving.
-Spaghetti made with love by my dad.
-Being able to finally go to sleep NOT shivering so much it hurts because my mom keeps our house at 67*...which means the upstairs where we sleep is about 64* because mom was on vacation.


more animals

DO NOT LOVE:

-The fact that now that my mom is home, I have to go back to falling asleep freezing my ass off.
-Drawing my boss' boss' boss (also, my BIG boss) at The Theatre's name in Secret Santa and being TOTALLY intimidated by figuring out what to get her. No pressure.
-RAIN.
-Losing my copy of one of my all time favorite books (The Time Traveller's Wife) when I was planning on reading it again.
-Walking from the parking garage to work in POURING RAIN.
-Did I mention my cold house?

Happy Profile-ing

Here are some pretty good tips on keeping yourself safe online.

When I started looking for a job last year, I decided to make my facebook profile more "possible employer friendly". This didn't involve a lot, since I wasn't the wildest of college students, but I did take off some of the more tasteless stuff. Plus, no matter how much you think it takes away from the 'essence of you', being mysterious and leaving stuff to be imagined is way more appealing.

Luckily for me (not that that I actually had anything to hide), my new boss added me as a friend over the summer before I even started working.

busy busy television?

I realize that I've gone from a 5+ posts a week, to like 1 every 2 weeks. I know this doesn't affect a lot of people, cuz I know of only (literally) 4 people who read this blog. And no, I'm not saying that in a self pitying, please read my shit way. Just in a realistic way. It doesn't bother me at all.

It's just that I kinda miss coming home from whatever I'm doing and typing up stupid, mundane thoughts or tidbits. But by the time I get home from rehearsal, tech, shows, whatever, I'm so unbelievably tired and spent that I pass out to Gilmore Girls or a book. I can't tell you how many times in the lat 2 weeks I've thought "I wish I could share that with someone." And writing it here was my way of "sharing", however weird that sounds. So hopefully I'll begin to get more of a stamina for this whole ordeal and get back on the horse. Plus, I had been planning since like December to do NaBloPoMo, but by the time this month rolled around, I knew it'd be near impossible, and I'm totally bummed.

Well here's my interesting tidbit for the day. I love it when I benefit from my mom's crazy ideas, and today I benefited quite nicely. Chalk this up to the "materialistic" side of me (and judge me if you want), but who wouldn't appreciate this. My mom told me yesterday that she'd been 'considering' getting rid of our 3 big (as in twice the size of a microwave) TVs. 2 of which are ours (one is like 12 years old, the other is probably 10), and 1 we got when my Grandma moved from her apartment to the nursing home. The 12 year old TV was serving as my TV in my room for my nightly movie/whatever TV show I am currently watching on DVD.

Now, when my mom says 'considering', it either means she's been thinking about it for a long time, or she just thought of it and is throwing it out there. The other part of what she was considering was replacing 2 of them (the third is never used, and just sits in our basement) with flat screen TVs. This idea was excellent to me, seeing as one of the replacable ones was mine.

Long story short, I benefited because today we went to CostCo, and we got a 22" flat screen, HD TV (something I could NEVER, EVER afford on my own). Of course, the only one of these 3 TVs that gets used is the one in my room, so of course it only makes sense that it should be the first one to be replaced. And it was.

My mom's logic?? Getting rid of these TVs will create a TON more space (which is true) and make rooms more easily accessible. So during my mom's flip flopping today, my dad was able to convince her that getting the first one would give them the incentive to actually call the guy who hauls away junk (and sells it, so we get some $$ from it), to come and get the TVs and other stuff, as opposed to just talking about doing it. Obviously, daddy was on my side.

Long story short, I got a fancy new TV today. :)

(and don't worry, I'm INCREDIBLY grateful and appreciative)

everyone's a little bit....

So my parents are out of town. Left Wednesday evening and come back Sunday afternoon. It's been nice to just be by myself for a while.

Lots of people have been making jokes about me having "bitchin keggers" or orgies. Last night while I was snuggled under the covers, with a dog on either side of me, a thought occurred to me. It would be so nice to have someone here with me. Not to do dirty things with, but to snuggle with me underneath the covers. To warm me up just a little extra.

Oh well. It'll happen eventually. For now, I'll have to be satisfied with MooMoo and Bailey's company.

its just what i do

I've gotten into two nice, new habits.

One involves my days off. Going to the library, the grocery store, and target in one fell swoop. In the middle of the afternoon, it's quite nice. Not too many people to make it a hassle, and it can be (I know this sounds weird) peaceful.

The other involves my Netflix-ing and library-ing. Every time I'm at any store, and I see a book or a movie I'm interested in, I take a picture of the title (and author) with my phone to keep my list of movies to add to my queue or books to pick up at the 'brary.

Plus, I'm reallllly hoping that next week, once we get into the run of our show, I will get to go to the new Central Library downtown. It was under renovations for like (literally) 6 to 8 years, and finally opened up this spring. I was too much of a bum (plus working at my Aunt's) this summer to check it out, and I haven't had time after work to hit it up yet. It's supposed to be absolutely incredible, and I can't wait!!!

just some tidbits

A few thoughts for the day:

--I've already mentioned (probably more than once) that grocery store parking lots are the worst places on earth. Seriously. In addition to everything I've already ever listed that drives me crazy about them is this: I hate it when you are loading up your trunk, or even just getting into your car, and there are tons of spots around you, totally empty-like TONS-even two together so someone could pull through, and someone pulls into the spot that is on the other side of yours so that you can't pull through. I know, I'm a complainer. But seriously. There are CLOSER SPOTS! SPOTS WITH SHADE! Anyways.

--Some might disagree with my small opinion here on tastefulness. When given the choice of having an underwear line show through a tight or see through bottom of some sort (and I'm talking like hard core, all the details except for seeing the color of them), I'm a firm believer that seeing a nice, classy brief outline is much better than seeing a thong outline. Especially in the grocery store. Especially when wearing a white, t-shirt material skirt that's a size or 2 too small. Leave something to the imagination. However, I will concede that in many cases thongs can be preferable--like if 'butted panties' would show a line, but a thong wouldn't--that's perfectly fine, and even more tasteful.

--And finally, a positive one!! I LOVE early fall weather. Even mid fall weather. The kind where it's just chilly and breezy enough to wear a sweatshirt and a scarf and be perfect. Today was one of those days. I spent the whole day inside at work, of course...but I BASKED in it while walking in this morning.

its about time!!

My new bookcases are totally done :). I painted them, and then dad and I put them together in my room. Today I finally got all my books from storage (although what you see is not all of them by a long shot) and filled the shelves with various books, frames, etc.

Here they are:
Of course no one is allowed to judge the obscene amount of pictures on my bulliten board. I happen to be a photo obsessive, and one of my favorite things in the world is a good collage of pictures.

with extra bread, please?

So today was a milestone/emotional experience for me. My first Saturday in the fall since I was in the first grade that I could not go to, be a part of, or even watch the Notre Dame Football game. Because, of course, we work on Saturdays. Luckily for me, I got to wear a ND jersey to work today, and I got tons of comments on it. It was a green Samardzija jersey, which brought on even more comments and compliments even. Anyways, it worked out nicely in the end. Rehearsal ended in time for me to leave, stop by Yats for to grab take out, and get home in time to watch the second half.

Also, luckily for me, I got hit on in the process. No biggie you say? Sorta…I haven’t been hit on in a long time, and it was really nice for once. And it wasn’t in the creepster, gross sort of way. And much to the chagrin of some of the people I work with, it began because of my ND jersey. So there. I will be going back to Yats in the next few days J.

Have I Been in Here Before???

I had a nice bonding moment with my co-PA this week. There are 3 PA's at the Theatre, I'm working with the returning PA on Sherlock, and the other new PA will start on The Scottish Play in a week or so.

Anyways, one morning while making our coffee and doing our daily prep work, Michael Phelps came up in conversation. We agreed that while some people think he's goofy looking, we definitely still think he's sexy. It was a bonding experience, for sure.

Also, and this is totally random, but I just saw a picture online of Brad Pitt at the Venice Film Festival from earlier this week, and it made me insanely jealous. Not because I want to be with Brad Pitt (cuz, honestly, I really don't care for him at all), but because I want to be at the Venice Film Festival. I'm pretty sure going to that is on my list of lifetime goals, no matter how unachievable it may be.

And lastly, I've been dog sitting this weekend for a family who lives the next block down from me. The house??? Oh, just the home one of my best friends growing up. I met her right after we moved in when I was 4 1/2, and she was the only other girl in the neighborhood. We were two peas in a pod until she moved when we were in like 4th or 5th grade. But I spent a lot of time at her house...and it's been totally weird and eerie being there this weekend (and when I've babysat there). Her family's swing-set is still in the back yard. It's a cross between de-ja-vu, a surrealistic experience, and dating myself.

one thing to buy does not a good trip make

So, like I've said, new job going really well and I love it. BUT, having cramps so bad you think you're (literally) having a cow (bad image, I know) does not a fun day make.

Ok, it was still a fun, good day at work...but it was lacking in its all around pleasant-ness.

I have a pondering, as well. Let me pose a hypothetical. You need some binder tabs. So on your way home from work you decide to swing by target to just pick some up. You call your house to see if your mom wants to tag a long or needs anything. No and yes-sinus headache medicine. When you arrive at Target, do you go straight to the 2 aisles from which you need one thing each? Or after you grab those two things, do you meander around a bit, not knowing what to do with yourself, and feeling worthless and useless if you only buy those two things?

Yeah...that happened to me last night. But the thing is, it's always nearly impossible for me to go to Target and just get the one thing I need. Inevitably, I buy at other things. Yes, this points to why I have verylittlemoney, I realize this. But also, maybe my (and your?) subconscious is at play as well. Maybe I wouldn't have decided to go to Target in the first place if I didn't already know what else I was gonna get...too deep? Too much BS? Yeah, I figured. That means bed time.

couldn't be bigger

I'm a firm believer in the fact that if you're nervous about something, it means you have something to lose, that it's important to you. Therefore nerves (to an extent) are a good thing because they help you work harder.

I think.

(Notice I didn't say worrying. I also think that worrying, mostly, is useless. And while I do more than my fair share of it, it doesn't get you anywhere and solves nothing.)

In less than 12 hours I will be starting the first day of my job. The first day in the middle of August in over 16 years that I am not going back to school. I told my family that I was counting down until my childhood ends. My cousin Katie told me that no I wasn't starting my job, I was starting my career. Man that's a scary thought.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. I am. I'm excited too. So much so that I am over prepared. I packed my lunch tonight (in case that's what they do there), made sure there is money available to buy lunch (in case that's what they do there), did laundry and set my clothes out, put everything I could possibly need in my purse (yes, it is possible to prepare a purse), put a sweater, bottle of water, extra diet coke, and different shoes (just in case) in a tote bag-on top of which I will put my lunch bag.

Tonight doesn't feel like any of my nights before the first day of school. It feels different. Better. More exciting. And what makes it exciting is that I'm also a little nervous. Although for school my nerves were much different; tonight's nerves seem healthy and right. Tomorrow is going to be great.

Wish me luck.