I guess you'll have to settle for me...

So some events this week have really helped me to finally keep accepting that things really do happen for a reason.

For a long, long time I was really mad at God for giving my mom cancer a couple of times thru middle school and high school. I blamed Him, wouldn't talk to Him, and was just generally angry with him. When she was sick, I didn't talk to anyone about it. Not even her or my dad. I was miserable (understandably so). It's just really, really hard to find someone to relate to when you're going thru that, and it generally feels impossible. Especially at those ages.

Actually, I keep things in in regards to most problems in my life. I may bitch about things or tell someone (or a lot of people) but I rarely go to someone asking for help, or condolences, or advice. Luckily my closest friends-the fab 5 in naptown-know I do this, and they are pretty good at calling me on it and stepping in.

Anyways, I digress (as usual). I found out at the beginning of the semester that a friend of mine's mother was sick. I didn't find out directly from her, so I was hesitant to say something. Eventually, one day I mentioned I had heard, and told her what I had experienced and that I knew how she was feeling and that it's hard to find someone to relate to and that I am here if she needs anything.

More recently, however, I found out that someone I'm working very closely with is experiencing the same thing. Through my simple understanding of how she feels and knowledge of what she is going through, I have been able to offer her support and condolences that I know from experience she cannot find anywhere else really. Just having someone else who knows how you feel is a huge relief. I know.

Although I know I cannot speak for either of these people to say that I have helped them, but I hope I have, and I will if they need anything at all. It has just been a relief to myself to know that all of those years of pain, and being scared, and sorrow, and anger are finally proving to have happened for a reason. I had to go through it so I could better udnerstand and be there for people I know and love. So...7 years later, I guess I've let God off the hook a little bit.