the saga of my (non existent) love life continues

So it's been forEVer since I've blogged. Oops.

For those of you who might still read this, I'm in Illinois for the summer ASMing and SMing for a Summer Shakespeare company. Not to be big city snobby, but IMHO, Bloomington/Normal are terrible shit hole towns. But I'm having fun and working my ass off until AUgust 9th. We start tech on Friday. Yikes.

Anyways, I think I've figured out my problem with men. Or at least one of them. My addictive personality, my unintentionally flirtatious personality, and my having a crush do NOT a good mix make. This has happened with the last 2 or 3 guys I've been interested in.

It starts out as me just being myself around a guy, and then someone who works with me/us will say something to me about my flirting with him and his flirting with me. I will not have thought of it before this, and then when the seed is planted, I realize that I have a huge crush on this guy. And then once I realize it, my flirtation becomes a little more obvious to the people that really know me or work closely with me. But I don't mean for it to, and I don't try to make it this way. So then, throw in my super addictive personality, and it gets crazy. It's like I can't think about anything else, and I become hyper-aware of everything he does, I do, and that I do around him. And then I feel pathetic b/c I start analyzing it all. And then it either turns out that the guy isn't actually interested in me or b/c I'm a freak I scare him away. I'm trying so hard for this not to happen. And I'm sure it's not as big of an issue as I think it is...but when 3 or 4 people I work with make comments to the guy and I while we're talking or just to me on the side, and I realize that lots of people know that I'm crushing when I don't even realize it, I think there's something wrong with me. I've been told by most of the people who comment to me about my 'flirting' that they think this guy is flirting back, but I'm not sure if I believe them. And I wonder if people say things to HIM too. FML.

So, while I'm trying to focus on something else, can you please tell me what is wrong with me?? Please??